In a sports coaching lesson by the man who holds the world record for the longest cross country (XC) flight in a hang glider. Flying over 400 miles without a motor requires a wisdom that transcends the technical aspects of a sport. Mike Barber’s three step sports focus also explains emotional intelligence skills in a healthy relationship. The sports focus was to look for lift, decide weather to stay or go and learn to stay centered.
1) Use caution when dating.
In hang gliding, “you’re either in lift (warm air going up) or sink (cold air going down).” When it comes to finding lift, Mike explains, “90% of the sky is sink, 10% is lift.” He continues, “and of that 10%, half of it doesn’t help you soar.” When dating, most would agree that only 10% of people are possible romantic partners, and of that 10% only half have the possible to create long term synergy with you.
A love interest may be hard to find, but remember, half of them are not capable of a synergistic exchange. Make your own emotional intelligence assessment of a likely love interest.
2) Find synergy in your relationship:
In healthy relationships synergy is produced by two people lifting each other up to greater happiness and maturity. A relationship is either growing and evolving or it is falling apart. How are your relationships in general? Are friends and lovers people who can and do reciprocate with love, fondness, resources and time?
3) Beware of Attachments
Don’t become attached to the idea that you have found “the one” while evidence to the contrary is mounting. When you get that sinking feeling and everything tells you it’s not working, stop flapping your wings in bad air. Instead, take a risk, let go of attachments that continue to dragg you down.
4) Stay centered in the lift.
It is hard to notice your partner’s faults when you are in love. If you find yourself over extended to the point of losing your life balance it’s time to make a decision.
5) Decide weather to stay or go.
“This is a crucial decision,” Mike tells his students. “When you discover that a thermal is not building or is too fragmented, move on!” He explains that many students linger too long when they should leave quickly and begin their glide. He explains that pilots new to XC flight become attached to the idea that there was lift in a given area. “They don’t want to give up on it. They would rather believe that they are lacking skill as a pilot than accept the reality that this thermal is going to drag them down.”
Are you in a relationship that is draining or abusive. Many people nevertheless decide to live together, get married or have a child. Some fear being alone, some fear they will never find love again and all of them without the emotional intelligence skills required to do anything about it.
6) Take the Emotional Intelligence Test:
Make sure you have the emotional intelligence skills you need to be successful.
Without crucial emotional intelligence skills you are like the novice XC pilot lingering in a dying thermal, continuing to search, sinking all the while. Is it easier to blame your self than accept that the relationship is falling apart? Are you avoiding the pain, the loss and the fear that go with leaving the familiar, in search of the unknown?
7) Maximize the Lift
Hang glider pilots know when they find a good thermal. They do everything possible to maximize the lift. A delicate sensitivity allows a pilot to work with the glider. The right input can affect the glider’s performance and increase altitude. The pilot relies on awareness to stay centered in the lift, tuning into a dynamic interplay with the glider.
Relationships require the same sensitivity. Do you provide too much control or too little input? Do you respond effectively to meet your partner’s needs? Keep yourself emotionally centered and responsive to your partner. If you want a healthy relationship, consider these life coaching tips.